It scares the pants off me too!
I think it scares all of us! But as I step through starting my own coaching business, visibility is a crucial aspect of running any sort of business. If your clients can’t find you, then you’re not going to get a lot of sales!
But so many parts of my life have been structures to make me distrust the limelight. When I have been seen in the past, I have been attacked or unsafe. And I have been trained to avoid conflict, avoid being seen, avoid putting my own needs and wants above others – which in itself is a zero sum game.
As women we are taught that making our needs known and requesting they be met is uncomfortable for others. It’s emotional work that we’re supposed to do for others – smoothing social situations, making nice, being the good girl who calms the beast.
And so stepping into that limelight is terrifying! Putting the universe on notice – I AM HERE! SEE ME NOW!
It’s breathtakingly scary. And yet…
It’s easy to step into the limelight for some thing else. I am great at promoting things. I am also good at promoting myself… in job applications and interviews. They are east – just figure out the shape of who they want and present as that shape! My worksona is awesome, we should all meet her some day!
I am running my own business. I need to be visible. So here’s a couple of tips about visibility.
- Deep fucking breaths. Before public speaking of any kind, be it FB live, a convention full of people, a job interview. Breathe all the way into your belly at least three times, preferably until it feels natural.
- Just do it. Feel your fear and anxieties, give them a nod, and then just… move on. Open your mouth and say some words. See what happens.
- Try and figure out what scares you most. Write it somewhere or draw a picture of it with stick figures so it’s outside you. Maybe keep it close if you need to, or burn it if it feels meaningful. We’re talking to your lizard brain here, it’s like a child kicking and screaming about I don’t wanna! Maybe burning something will be a nice distraction!
- Practice. (Sorry!) Practice. (Sorry!) Practice. (Notsorry!) I have read speeches to a mirror, to my (then) toddlers, to myself, so lamps… just move your mouth and read a word and see how it feels.
- Support Network. A lot of visibility is inner work, but as women we’re aware that we’re under constant threat from unexpected sources. Have people to talk to about your experiences, write or debrief after you’ve done something that terrified you, get into the habit of VERBALISING.
Well this is a lot more thought out than my waffling Live on Facebook tonight! Welcome to the creative process haha!