I’m sick, and I’m whingey about it!
I get to a point where I have enough energy to know that I can and should be doing more stuff… Except I just can’t so it translates into this sort of self hatey whininess that is, quite frankly, a little embarrassing but I also don’t seem to be able to stop!
Today I whined about to to my work mate, and she was firm but gentle on me. May every one have such gifts! (Also, she lives far away and I couldn’t go whine at her in person, so… could be she’s patient, could be she’s a safe distance away!)
Talking through my feelings and stuff brought up a lot of emotions. Even before I had my first job, I had a worry about not being a perfect employee. I’m not sure that’s ever gone away – I’m a sucker for being the teacher’s pet, and being good at work has always been a source of pride for me. But, you know, people get sick. And the other day I was reminded that I am ‘open to interpretation,’ in that some of the things I do, say or am, can be read differently to what I expect.
People are people and I need to remember that awkward annoying shit happens to every one. It’s not just me juggling health, family, orthodontist appointments, anxious children with their own crisis and making dinner. I don’t need to make a mental molehill out of something as simple as ‘I’M SICK, I’M STAYING HOME.” To be clear, my managers and colleagues are wonderful, and this block of being sick is unreliable and flakey is not something I have picked up from this workplace.
Do you feel guilty when you get sick? Do you feel like you’re putting your reputation at risk, or going to be seen as less than reliable? And do you think that’s an internal or external thing?